DESTINY

The walk of life with wave of events

To live, to share, with humble visions

Those are eye’s light, number of eyes’ blink

Combines how far you can see in the sky,

And moving on the path of sunrays’ layers,

You want to speak about ascends and

Descents you have performed

From your first appearance to last walking,

And all are these your own beauty

To share, to form virtue that you are real

All are designed to deal with life for destiny.

 

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13 responses to “DESTINY

  1. A nice written inspirational poem about life. Events of the future are hidden, ‘DESTINY’ cautions to be careful in life. Those who take ‘DESTINY’ serious make in life and those who ignore fade in the distance.

  2. It is good but needs work on the 2nd line there must be a better word than, ‘humble’ something more poetic on the 6th and 7th line should it not be ascents so it fits in with descents? Should not the 7th line a in be lowercase I think it needs a quick proofread.

  3. Sorry, but this is not a poem. If you write a poem you need to use the five senses, show and not tell the reader, and most important of all, you need to give us concrete images and metaphors, not abstractions. Wishing you much luck with the revision. Do you belong to Poetry Goodreads? You should join. Lots of great ideas about poetry there.

  4. this is a fine, elegant poem that reminds me of how the philosophers once pondered the mysteries of the Universe. poetry is an expression of how the subconsciousness thinks. just remember that these are your inspiring words. be honest. let others follow your wings. i am not much of a critique artist. be one with the rhythm of the wind.

  5. Dear Elizabeth Tyrrell,

    Thanks for the comment: This gives me new writing of the poem:

    DESTINY

    We walk in our life
    Upon the shore that is full of sands
    Sea waves touch and make symbols,
    With seasons as brands of our ethos.

    With aspiring vision,
    We learn to live, to share stories
    Upon the open sea
    With strength of our loving heart
    In the light of our eyes,
    With number of eyes’ blinks
    Like two sunrays combining
    Likeness and dream
    To see deep into the sky.

    We listen stores of ascends,
    And descends in wide appearance
    Of our life.
    It is our own beauty
    To share and to form
    Virtue that we are real, designed
    To deal our life for destiny.

    -©Asim Kumar Paul,
    24.09.2013

  6. Dear Nina Romano,

    Thanks for the comments: This gives me a new writing of the poem:

    DESTINY

    We walk in our life
    Upon the shore that is full of sands
    Sea waves touch and make symbols,
    With seasons as brands of our ethos.

    With aspiring vision,
    We learn to live, to share stories
    Upon the open sea
    With strength of our loving heart
    In the light of our eyes,
    With number of eyes’ blinks
    Like two sunrays combining
    Likeness and dream
    To see deep into the sky.

    We listen stores of ascends,
    And descends in wide appearance
    Of our life.
    It is our own beauty
    To share and to form
    Virtue that we are real, designed
    To deal our life for destiny.

    Asim Kumar Paul,
    24.09.2013

  7. You are a quick learner. The revised poem has several good images ( shore, sand, waves, seasons, brands, open sea, sunrays, sky) that propel your much clearer thoughts about how both outer events and our inner beauty, vision, and virtue shape our destiny.

    I am still confused by the first 2 lines of the last stanza. Should it be “listen to stories of ascents, And descents…”?

  8. Yes, Judith Schader, you are correct. Here is new writing

    DESTINY

    We walk in our life
    Upon the shore that is full of sands
    Sea waves touch and make symbols,
    With seasons as brands of our ethos.

    With aspiring vision,
    We learn to live, to share stories
    Upon the open sea
    With strength of our loving heart
    In the light of our eyes,
    With number of eyes’ blinks
    Like two sunrays combining
    Likeness and dream
    To see deep into the sky.

    We listen to stories of ascents,
    And descents in wide appearance
    Of our life.
    It is our own beauty
    To share and to form
    Virtue that we are real, designed
    To deal our life for destiny.

    -©Asim Kumar Paul,
    25.09.2013

  9. It now reads a lot better I am actually a facilitator on creative writing amongst other things as performer/extra/researcher/performance artist/MC(MA,BA) glad my comments helped
    Elizabeth Tyrrell

  10. Hi Asim, Just wanted to say I am concerned about Nina Romano’s early comment – who has no right to pontificate on: ‘what is’ and ‘is not’ a poem! For sure, anyone can have an individual opinion – but they still have no right to then seek to enforce a rule upon others, based on their own narrow perspective… And, as for every poem having to engage all five senses and being free from all abstractions – what nonsense!!
    Would just like to say dear Asim – that in my opinion at least, you are a poet (and an improving one…) truly with a poet’s heart and that I enjoyed both the ambition and soulfulness of this latest piece.
    All the best to you and keep believing in and searching for your craft… Regards Scott http://www.scotthastie.com

  11. Dear Scotthastiepoet,

    Life is moving, and I am also moving,
    Our breathing is encircled with wind,
    And like life and breathing, poetry is
    Moving with multiform, and I am sustaining
    The poetry out of life, and for my new writing
    I just honor human feeling and spirit.

    Thanks for your comment.

    Asim Kumar Paul
    2nd October 2013

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